From tshaw01@comcast.net Fri Jul 1 15:50:20 CDT 2005 Article: 111375 of rec.music.makers.piano Path: news!news.niu.edu!news.illinois.net!attcg1!ip.att.net!news.binc.net!news-out.cwix.com!newsfeed.cwix.com!newsfeed.gamma.ru!Gamma.RU!newsfeed.media.kyoto-u.ac.jp!newsfeed-east.nntpserver.com!nntpserver.com!newsfeed-west.nntpserver.com!border1.nntp.dca.giganews.com!nntp.giganews.com!local01.nntp.dca.giganews.com!nntp.comcast.com!news.comcast.com.POSTED!not-for-mail NNTP-Posting-Date: Fri, 01 Jul 2005 12:20:25 -0500 From: "Tom Shaw" Newsgroups: rec.music.makers.piano Subject: Musical humor Date: Fri, 1 Jul 2005 12:20:25 -0500 X-Priority: 3 X-MSMail-Priority: Normal X-Newsreader: Microsoft Outlook Express 6.00.2900.2180 X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V6.00.2900.2180 X-RFC2646: Format=Flowed; Original Message-ID: Lines: 62 NNTP-Posting-Host: 67.187.96.240 X-Trace: sv3-glvJw/JY7U+Dt8NyZEBg56RuHyOs2BDjqLf+xn68M2NaeMTyYH6/Q2YKlJ/mTaHbtb/iCIhaoH3ACbd!ZygCW6O1G6Z+6wxJXzsOdtzf+BwAdhaZf/yUadO8KMwBhRmIgcaM89YFUXQFMTfgfmAh6Y6zW0M= X-Complaints-To: abuse@comcast.net X-DMCA-Complaints-To: dmca@comcast.net X-Abuse-and-DMCA-Info: Please be sure to forward a copy of ALL headers X-Abuse-and-DMCA-Info: Otherwise we will be unable to process your complaint properly X-Postfilter: 1.3.32 Xref: news rec.music.makers.piano:111375 Enjoy TS Take Note So, three notes walk into a bar -- a G, an Eb, and a C. The bartender looks up and says "We don't serve minors." So the Eb leaves and the other two have a fifth between them. After a few drinks, the G was out flat, and the experience was diminished. Eventually, the C sobers up, sees one of his friends missing, the other one passed out, and realizes to his horror that he's under a rest. C was brought to trial, found guilty and convicted of contributing to the diminution of a minor and was sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at the Paul Williams/Neil Sedaka Correctional Facility. Beyond the Mozart effect You've heard of the Mozart Effect, BUT, have you heard of the ... LISZT EFFECT: Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never really says anything important. BRUCKNER EFFECT: Child speaks very slowly and repeats himself frequently. Gains reputation for profundity. WAGNER EFFECT: Child becomes a megalomaniac. May eventually marry his sister. MAHLER EFFECT: Child continually screams - at great length and volume - that he's dying. SCHOENBERG EFFECT: Child never repeats a word until he's used all the other words in his vocabulary. Sometimes talks backwards. Eventually, people stop listening to him. Child blames them for their inability to understand him. BABBITT EFFECT: Child gibbers nonsense all the time. Eventually, people stop listening to him. Child doesn't care because all his playmates think he's cool. IVES EFFECT: the child develops a remarkable ability to carry on several separate conversations at once. GLASS EFFECT: the child tends to repeat himself over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. STRAVINSKY EFFECT: the child is prone to savage, guttural and profane outbursts that often lead to fighting and pandemonium in the preschool. BRAHMS EFFECT: the child is able to speak beautifully as long as his sentences contain a multiple of three words (3, 6, 9, 12, etc). However, his sentences containing 4 or 8 words are strangely uninspired. AND THEN OF COURSE, THE CAGE EFFECT -- CHILD SAYS NOTHING FOR 4 MINUTES, 33 SECONDS. PREFERRED BY 9 OUT OF 10 CLASSROOM TEACHERS. NEW: HANDEL effect: The child holds vowels indefinitely so that you can't even remember what word they began with, but is usually so sweet-tempered that it doesn't matter what s/he's saying From doberman@fields.com Fri Jul 1 15:50:25 CDT 2005 Article: 111377 of rec.music.makers.piano Path: news!news.niu.edu!canoe.uoregon.edu!hammer.uoregon.edu!news.glorb.com!hwmnpeer01.lga!hwmedia!news-server.columbus.rr.com!cyclone2.kc.rr.com!news2.kc.rr.com!tornado.socal.rr.com.POSTED!53ab2750!not-for-mail From: David Newsgroups: rec.music.makers.piano Subject: Re: Musical humor Message-ID: References: X-Newsreader: Forte Free Agent 1.93/32.576 English (American) MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Lines: 9 Date: Fri, 01 Jul 2005 17:34:37 GMT NNTP-Posting-Host: 24.30.170.48 X-Complaints-To: abuse@rr.com X-Trace: tornado.socal.rr.com 1120239277 24.30.170.48 (Fri, 01 Jul 2005 10:34:37 PDT) NNTP-Posting-Date: Fri, 01 Jul 2005 10:34:37 PDT Organization: Road Runner High Speed Online http://www.rr.com Xref: news rec.music.makers.piano:111377 "Tom Shaw" wrote: >NEW: >HANDEL effect: The child holds vowels indefinitely so that you can't even >remember what word they began with, but is usually so sweet-tempered that it >doesn't matter what s/he's saying BEETHOVEN effect: Child recapitulates every last request for candy until parents themselves either capitulate or wish they were deaf.